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The Life of Gang-Tae

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I've been following Korean series in Netflix called It's Okay to Not Be Okay. The pace might too slow for certain people but I can relate to the storyline. It's sucks to always be the perfect gentleman and suppressed all the emotions you have inside. That's the price you have to pay when people set a high expectation on you. I used to be like that and keep reminding myself to balance it out. I need to love myself before I could help others. Gang-Tae experience the same things like me I guess. Always felt unwanted and unloved. His existence merely just to take care of others. Therefore, he stopped to has expectation on others. 

Last two years, when I was battling with depression, I used think there is no point for me to live anymore. If people just expected me to take care of them but let me take all the blames, then why should I be there for them. There is no more purpose for me to be around. I did stop having expectation on others but later, slowly I'm realise, the problem was not them but me. I was letting them to control my life and trying to please them. So first, I need to help myself first by finding my purpose in life. Have I found it? Haha, not quite yet but at least I know my long term goal. Second, I need to learn to celebrate small successes. Don't be hard to myself.

I'm not sure when I started to realise this but this project really help me to grow to be a better person. I'm far from perfect but I know my mistakes. I have to thank people who are patiently helping me to survive this challenges. I'd pushing them away but they stay. 

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